The Talk

You often hear of 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 in the context of Black parents in the US having a conversation with their children about speaking with law enforcement or authority figures. It stems from a need to protect children from a rampant and systemic profiling problem that views their beautiful black skin as a threat, as aptly described by Rudy Francisco in his book helium (pictured below)

There’s a parallel to that same 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 in many Arab, Muslim, and in particular, immigrant households in the US, albeit with a different flavor. 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 in such households revolves around what you can and can’t say publicly. It’s often in relation to calling out homegrown Islamophobia, US meddling in world affairs or, the untouchable, criticizing 𝑰𝒔𝒓𝒂𝒆𝒍. It’s the common “𝘣𝘢𝘴 𝘏𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘣𝘪, 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵! 𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥” or “𝘋𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘯” with the “that” referring to speaking out about what is currently happening in #Gaza, or openly discussing what is otherwise an at home murmured commentary on US destruction of Iraq and Afghanistan, or the rude awakening they experienced when that kid at school pulled her hijab off while everyone else stood watching.

True, both stem from a parent’s unconditional love for and protection of their child. From tireless hope that if they shoulder that pain and shield their children from the world’s ugly unfairness, perhaps they will remain safe and enjoy a better future.

But let’s not overlook the fact that both 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒔 also stem from, and are the direct result of, a system that is meant to vilify and oppress, to dehumanize and subject.

A system that benefits the few at the cost of the many.

A system that our children, empowered by our love and despite our worry, will challenge and will change.

If you read this and can’t relate,
If you read this and feel defensive or guilty,
If you read this and think it’s overblown hyperbole in too sensitive a culture,
If you read this and think it’s complicated,
N̳o̳n̳e̳ ̳o̳f̳ ̳t̳h̳a̳t̳ ̳m̳a̳t̳t̳e̳r̳s̳

What matters is if you read this and want to help.

In that case I suggest that you do whatever is in your capacity to make space for the narratives that make up the beautiful mosaic that is our society. People are at their best when they are seen, when they are heard.

A conversation over a cup of coffee is making space

An invite to lunch is making space

A recognition of obstacles and barriers is making space

Removal of obstacles and barriers is making space

Seeing the human and not their label is making space

#realtalk #DIBE #HumanizingTheLabel