What if I was shot today? my lifeless body, my blood stained keffiyeh, my face, lit up your screen. Would you remember how tight my hugs were? What if my house was bombed today? A concrete and steel heap of what it used to be, would you remember our laughter echoing in its rooms? The dinners we had? The late nights of cigarettes, cards and tea? Would you recognize my arm sticking out from underneath the rubble? What if you see my child’s face covered in ash, dried blood, and debris? Would you run towards him with your arms wide open? Would her uncontrollable sobbing in your embrace bring memories of her giggles as she hopscotched her afternoon away on the sidewalk? Would you recognize the tatreez (𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘺) of my wife’s thoub (𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴)? What if we run out of what ifs, will I then cease to be a number, will I then have a name and a face? ************* As of the morning of 12/14/2023 Israel has killed 18,608 Palestinians since October 7
0 Comments
Hello, I’m Ahmed
a Palestinian from Yebna, Palestine... Stop! Cease and desist Palestine? No such a thing Palestinians? They don’t exist So stop claiming to be one? cease and desist ... my mother's father inherited acres from his father and grew olive trees in his lot of land My father’s father tilled his and sold sumptuous fruits and veggies from their farm stand Generations upon generations of Palestinian dirt on Palestinian hands Cease....and.....desist You do not exist You still insist? I bomb your homes.. You dare resist? I raze your towns.. You still persist? I... Don’t you understand my power? Why won’t you cower? Despite my might, you put up a fight? CEASE AND DESIST! YOU DO NOT EXIST! Hello, I’m Ahmed a Palestinian from Yebna, Palestine and therein lies my power Have you ever thought that the entirety of your existence might be for the sole purpose of being the right person, saying the right thing at a particular, seemingly random, moment in time? I feel like a kite
soaring, high up in the sky Nice gentle breeze swaying me East and West Bird’s eye view of magnificent landscapes Beauty that overwhelm the few bare, ugly, spots Thankful for the breeze and the view and the rock sitting atop my line keeping me tethered in my gentle sway But every now and again, winds prevail and, with a taut string, I catch a glimpse of a landscape further afield An unknown full of promises of success and failure of love and hurt of challenge and reward A surge of energy overcomes me and I declare I should ride the wind! Pull so hard, tear myself loose and fly! But the harder I pull, the nowhere I get I look down my line to the rock sitting atop my string And in utter frustration I scream “WHY ARE YOU KEEPING ME IN PLACE?” Exhaustion Confusion set in Was the wind meant to snap me out of subconscious avolition or was it to test the strength of my line? Should I curse the rock and its heaviness? Or be thankful that I am not swept away? Am I meant to fly? or will I forever continue in my sway? I feel like a kite soaring, high up in the sky swaying between contentment and an urge to cut my string and fly away I wish
I wish I said no I wish I said yes I wish I was able to truly express ...That one time I wish I prayed harder I wish I played harder I wish I tried I wish I cried ....That one time I wish I didn't give a flying duck at my age I wish I was wise beyond my rage ....That one time I wish I wasn’t stuck with my morality in the muck I wish I wasn't so dumb to think that I can over come .....That one time Time..... crime....lime....dime.... I wish I didn’t try to force a rhyme every time I tried to write poetry I wish I focused on how to express my mind’s imagery in a soliloquy.....there I go again trying to stitch my jumbled thoughts into rhymes thinking it’s poetry I wish I had an open mind and a mic to just simply say... If you focus on that one time then you will lose the remainder of your time. Life is a canvas painted with many colors in different brush strokes and if you only see that little smudge then you lose the whole picture. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. 68 years ago my home was no longer free I became a "refugee" 68 years ago I was forced to live in three foreign lands, away from my grandfather's love and my grandmother's caring hands. I couldn't bury them nor in their funerals stand 68 years ago I became a victim of colonization I was hit with a somber realization that although I am the victim here, here........I need to live in fear fear that if I am to speak about a 68 year old atrocity, I will be faced with a distorted representation of the monstrosity that lives on to this day, on my land on the bodies of my people on anything but the minds, hearts or consciousness of a world that has become accustomed to complacency 68 years ago my "situation" became "complicated" 68 years ago the brutal occupation of my land became a "conflict" 68 years ago was the first black mark on a white page the world had supposedly started. 68 years ago I became a refugee 68 years ago I became.....me #NakbaDay #Nakba #Palestine #IamARefugee حين انظر من شباك نافذتي
وأغرق في إبحار عاطفتي أرى وجها رسمته نجوم السماء جميلا، حنونا، مشعا بالضياء فتذرف الدمعة من عيني ويغشيني البكاء واتوجه بالسؤال داعيا رب السماء يا رب ما أخطأت في حقها ولا نابها مني جفاء فلم الفرقة والغربة وعلة في صدري اشد من أيها داء؟ هل أنا وحيد في دمعتي أم من عينها جف الماء؟ أعمى أنا ضائع في مشاعري بلا دليل أحببتها ووجدت في أحضانها خلًٌ خليل وقادت دقات قلبها قلبي في أحلى سبيل وشربت من حنينها ماءا عذبا أروى من مياه النيل فلم الفرقة يا رب فأنا في قضاءك ضليل كعادتي، قبل الذهاب الى النوم، استخدمت الحاسوب لأرى من أرسل لي رسالة الكترونية خلال الساعة الماضية فإذا بي أفاجأ برسالةٍ منها.....تلك اللتي اجتثت قلبي قبل خمس سنين.
في لحظة ضعف خلال السنة الماضية قررت أن اراسلها مرةً أخرى كاسراً بذلك القسم الذي أخذته قبل عامين حين عاهدت نفسي أن أنسى عنها بل أن ادفنها في ثرى النسيان. ولكني أجد نفسي دائما منجذب إليها. لم أرها منذ خمس سنين ولكن صورتها أبدا لم تفارق مخيلتي حتى حينما كنت في أحضان امرأة أخرى إذا بي اقارنها بها إذا بي أسائل نفسي، كيف سيكون شعوري في أحضانها كيف ستكون حياتي لو عشت يوما في حبها هل ياترى هي تعرف الآلام التي مرت بها من دونها؟ أم هل أنا مجرد طفل ضائع وجد بعض حنان في رحابها؟ هل هي تدري من أكون؟ ام هل انا مجرد سائر في تلك العيون؟ راسلتها الصيف الماضي سائلا إياها ان تمنحني فرصة كي نعيد علاقة صداقة ضاعت مع الترحال عبر السنين فإذا بها تجيبني وكأن شيئاً لم يكون وهائنذا مرةً اخرى راكضٌ خلف الجنون مجنون مجنون مجنون "what's for dinner?" A simple question that evoked many complex emotions for me today. To many, it's a choice between cooking at home, grabbing something on the way home or eating out. To many others it's a choice between going hungry for the night or paying the next bill. And to others, it's a painful reminder of loved ones that used to ask such a simple question right as they got home. My heart breaks for the many voices reduced to echoes. For the teary eyes. For the torn hearts. For the many empty spots at dinner tonight. Dear lord I am on my knees, weighed heavy by the violence ripping through your lands, begging you please to have mercy on those whom have been taken away from us and to grant us the strength to let our humanity radiate through the plumes of hate and violence. في الأسبوع الماضي لم تذق النوم عيني سوى ساعتين أو ثلاث بعد منتصف الليل.
اذهب إلى النوم مبكراً، تعب، مهلك، مرهق كالعليل واضع خدي على وسادتي واغمض عيني ........وتعتريني اليقظة. أفكار، أحلام، آمال........مدمرة. حب ضائع ووحدة قاتلة، وحياة بالجنون حافلة. يا الهي لم هذه السلبية المطلقة؟ لم أك في حياتي قط عابسا. بل كنت دوماً في أوج المشقة صامدا، باسماً، متفائلا. من هموم الدنيا ساخرا، وللحزين راثيا. ولمن أضاع طريق البهجة مرشدا. لكني يا رب اليوم في معضلة! يأتني الحائر من الدنيا سائلا.....فأعطه جوابا شافيا يخرج من عندي، يرى بصيصاً من الأمل كان عنه خافيا يستنشق هواءاً صافيا كان قبل أن يحادثني كاتما ويرى النور بعد أن كانت دنياه عاتمة فلم الأرق وأفكار شاغرة؟ سئمت تكاليف الحياة ولم أعش ربع من كان منها سائما تعب كلها الحياة ولا تَعجبني ....فلست بازدياد منها راغبا |
AuthorPalestinian, Muslim, American, Husband, Father, Academic, Pharmacist, Coffee Addict, Nutella phene, Pseudo writer, Soccer player, former Canadian, Community servant, Pinch hitter imam, interfaith ninja, Intellectual vigilante, and the undisputed KING of snark Archives
September 2020
Categories |